This last Saturday (5/4/14) marked 20 years since Kurt Cobain died, aged just 27.
To think that 20 years have passed by seems crazy, especially when you think
about how much times have changed and evolved since then.
Obviously being born in 1996 means that I wasn't around in Nirvana's hey day
nor was I around when Kurt died, yet to say that as a teenager a decade and a half
later I have been just as affected and moved by their music as any teenager in the 90's
and early 00's, as well as inspired by Kurt in particular is pretty remarkable.
It's also a testament to what Kurt achieved in his short time on this Earth and his
incredible legacy.
For me it was a couple of years ago that I really discovered Nirvana, having always
wondered what that CD with funny and peculiar cover with the naked baby swimming
towards a dollar note sounded like. Like most young people of course, it was
'Smells Like Teen Spirit' that really grabbed my attention one day and lead to me
wanting to find out more about this band who seemed to capture the essence of being
a teenager so perfectly.
I found my parents Nevermind CD, with that iconic front cover, and finally put it
in my CD player and listened to it. It wasn't what I was expecting, but it connected with
me, and for the next few months I had it on repeat. Something about Nirvana's music
made me feel this fierce pride at being young; it also gave me this rebellious spirit, a
sense of belonging, and a desire to go out and take the world by storm.
It changed the way I viewed myself as a teenager and how I viewed the world.
It finally felt like it was mine for the taking.
After discovering the power of Nevermind I listened to various radio programmes,
read books about Kurt and Nirvana in general and tried to find out as much as I could.
I read this one biography about Kurt in particular that really stuck with me, which covered
his childhood right up to his death and the aftermath. To have a story to put to the face and
the voice in my eyes made Kurt an idol of sorts.
Aside from being a symbol for teen rebellion and liberation, to me Kurt also represented
that internal struggle, that need to belong and be loved, valued, never quite feeling good enough,
and that inquisitive conquest to figure out humanity, life and people in general.
I identified with him, and I know he wasn't perfect, and yeah Kurt didn't always make the
best choices, but when you realise what was fuelling some of those choices, and you begin
to piece together the sort of person he was.... it makes all the difference as to how you
perceive this now iconic cult figure.
Kurt Cobain was far from perfect but he's one of those people who I think had
a genuinely beautiful yet delicate soul but it was damaged and ultimately destroyed by
the hardships, cruelty and obstacles of life. He wasn't strong enough to weather and overcome
the storm, but he really tried, and he achieved so much in his life despite his choosing to
end it so soon, and I respect and admire him for that. He was wise, intelligent, creative, and
so talented and I hope he found the peace in death that always seemed to elude him in life.
And on that note, I'll end with one of my favourite quotes of Kurt's, one that really did
change things for me was this:
"wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are"
and I will always be grateful for those words because although Kurt may have
struggled with his own self acceptance, his words helped me finally accept myself.
RIP Kurt Cobain
1967-1994
