BE CONFIDENT

This is me,

and I'm trying to have more

self confidence (:

YOU CAN DO IT

So I'll be the first to admit that I suffer

from a little something called self doubt which really takes

hold when my supply of self esteem and

self confidence is running low. 

I hold my hands up in the air sometimes and admit that yes, sometimes

I really don't think I can do things, or that I'm good enough,

or that I'm worth anything.

And I also completely agree that those types of thoughts

are bad thoughts and nobody should ever knowingly inflict those types of thoughts upon themselves or someone else.

No-one, I repeat, no-one, needs that kind

of negativity in their life.

It rarely serves a purpose and if I were pushed to find just

one reason why it's useful, it's this:

it makes you stronger.

(mentally)

So yeah, you still might not be able to get Dwayne The Rock

Johnson into a headlock and sure maybe you still can't flex your

muscles like those buff god like hunks down the gym,

BUT, your mind and your mentality is a whole lot stronger

and I don't know about you, but I'd

rather be stronger and wiser than buff.

 I know right now you're probably like, okay that's very nice,

but why are you telling me this dude?

And yes, I agree, that's a good question.

Well I just wanted to write about this whole self

confidence/ self esteem/ self doubt thing because 

it's actually rather important.

And I want to raise awareness and say, y'know what,

it's alright that you feel those feelings, you're not alone,
we all get like that sometimes and it's okay

to admit that you sometimes feel that way.

What matters though, is that you can pick yourself back up.

Next time you feel a bit poopy, think to yourself, why exactly

am I feeling this way, because 10 times out of 10

there is a valid cause or reason that most probably

needs addressing.

And once you can recognize it, you can deal with it,

rise above it, learn from it, and hey, maybe it won't be alright now,

at this very precise second, but I can tell you one thing,

IT WILL BE.

So don't you worry, and when your self confidence/ self

esteem/ self belief levels are dropping,

stop, collaborate and listen to this:

YOU ARE WORTH IT, YOU CAN DO IT, YOU ARE AWESOME,

YOU ARE PERFECT JUST THE WAY YOU ARE, YOU ARE WORTH

SOMETHING, YOU ARE A LOVELY HUMAN BEING,

YOU WILL OVERCOME THIS, YOU WILL BE SOMEONE, 

YOU NEED TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

So f you're having those thoughts

--------------------------->>>>>

chuck 'em out the window right now okay

and go watch your fave movie and get a slab of choccy

and smile.

IT WILL BE OKAY

Today I write to you from a clearer, and much brighter

point of view than I have done all week.

I've ridden a roller coaster of emotions and

made it out at the other end.

In all fairness, it is my time of the month,

(my chin is resembling the Himalayas again- it's just that

spotty) and that might have had something

to do with it.

I deleted all the other posts anyway, because

I think they were meant to be written and posted and then deleted.

If you missed all the hullabaloo, basically, as you can

probably guess, it involved a boy, and 

it all went a bit heads up, or maybe it didn't, I don't know,

my hormones have been crazy.

So although it felt like I knew, maybe I didn't,

maybe I jumped to conclusions too soon

and didn't give him a fair chance.

But either way, I know why I reacted so bad,

and it wasn't his fault. He didn't do anything wrong, and neither

did I. The only thing I slipped up on, was

falling prey to my old habits and for being too harsh on myself.

Confession time- I've never had a boyfriend before, or

been kissed, or anything else, only been hugged, and

when you're six months away from 18, you start to think something

is going really wrong here.

I know why I've never had a boyfriend or done those things,

and I think my reasons are completely understandable, but I'm

afraid others won't see it that way.

One of the main problems is I fall for the wrong people

time and time over, and I make the same mistakes time and time over.

I think it all stems back from the first guy I ever fell for,

but I don't want to be making those same mistakes

six years later. 

I want and need change.

I always lose out, always, so when I thought I'd gotten everything

all wrong with this new guy, who is very different

to all the other guys and a step in the right direction for me,

it all just got on top of me.

I hold my hands up, I cried about it, because I thought

right back to the very first guy, and worked my way forward to the present day, and all I could see was this pattern continuously

repeating itself.

All I wanted to do was close my heart, be cold and unreachable so that

I don't get hurt again, but at the same time,

I really don't want to end up alone, I don't want to be cold

and end up hating love.

So what do I do?

Well yes, I need change, and what I decided, once I'd got back 

on my feet again, was this:

It's early days with this guy, and yes maybe we aren't

meant to be that way at all, or maybe

we are but not right now.

I don't know, he doesn't know, nobody knows.

And yes I can run away like I always do when there's any doubt

or uncertainty of anything happening at all.

But the fact is, I like this guy.

I like his company, so why should I let that go, when I don't need to?

I don't need to be unhappy or put myself down.

He may not be in my life as anything more serious,

but he is in my life as a friend. And we can just be friends,

two people who get on really well, and 

that sounds good to me.

And for the mean time I'm just going to focus on me,

getting the grades to get to university, finding a job, making

sure I'm just happy in myself.

And this will continue to grow on the side - I have to sit next

to him all year anyway- and maybe we will finish the year

as good friends, maybe just friends,

or maybe something will change and we will become more.

I don't know, but I can't keep over thinking and worrying

and putting myself down and doing this to myself.

I need to be a bit nicer to myself,

and whatever may happen, that is okay,

everything will be 

OKAY 

(:

WOAH, WHAT A ROLLERCOASTER OF A LIFE

Dear reader, 

I feel as though these last few days I have been

losing the plot.

As you may remember, I am 17 years old and as I live in

Grand Old Britannia, I have reached the point

in my life in which I have to decide just what the heck I'm going to do for the next fifty years.

It's kind of daunting to say the least.

And being someone of a highly indecisive nature,

and being someone who doesn't want to put myself out there

until I am absolutely 100% sure, the thought of

committing myself to one thing, especially

when I love so many things,

scares the crap out of me, as in,

proper heeby jeebies.

___________________________________________

And and and, to top it all off,

I am a Gemini, and Gemini's are notorious for liking

a bit of both. The curse of being born

under this star sign means that I simply cannot make up

my mind, and the thought of choosing just one thing

is double plus bad, as George Orwell's 1984 would say.

I love art, music, photography et al.

I'm a creative freak, I adore it all and have done

since I was three and began drawing kind of well for a three

year old, according to my mum.

BUT, I love science, biology, how everything works,

 I love helping people and feeling like I'm doing something positive.

I'm too caring, I get too involved, I want to feel like

I'm making a difference for someone, somewhere.

And of course I want to travel, live in

NYC, California, Sydney, Barcelona, Madrid, Lisbon,

Berlin, and yet I strangely find the city

of Sheffield, 45 mins up the road so appealing.

It's all very confusing.

And when time isn't on your side,

it's very daunting.

_________________________________________________

I believe you only get one chance at life,

so you best do something good with it, live out your dreams,

because there won't be a next time.

It's about doing it all and having no regrets when

you pop your clogs sixty, seventy

years down the line.

You need to skid into heaven like

'woah, what a rollercoaster of a fabulous life that was'

But the problem is just how do you go about it?

If you're anything like me, you have this

ever expanding list of places to go and things to do.

But, you also want to be satisfied, happy,

want to get out of bed every morning and want to live your life.

You want a reason, a purpose,

to feel like you were meant to be here for a reason.

It's just finding that reason.

This week I've been darting from a career

in speech & language therapy, to broadcast journalism,

journalism in general and graphic design, and

back to speech & language therapy all over again.

But I think I'm starting to figure it all out,

just a little bit more now.

And although I wouldn't consider myself in the

best position to offer advice,

what I will say, is DON'T WORRY.

It doesn't help you in any way.

Don't let yourself fall into the hands of

self doubt, depression, hopelessness, 

it's a horrible place to be.

Talk to someone, moan like I've been doing for

the last three days straight.

Think about what you like to do, what you're good at,

what brings you the most pleasure and

satisfaction, what ticks the boxes,

and if it doesn't tick them all, what else can you do

to get them all ticked, what other opportunities

are there. 

And lastly, read this: