PEOPLE

When I found this the other day, I couldn't help but think how true it was.

It resonated with me so strongly, because it made me think of a couple of people

I've met this year, or people that I've grown really close too, who I would never had

thought I could click so well with, yet I do, and in some cases better than people I've

known for so much longer.

I've been lucky enough to meet some really wonderful people, people with whom

I can completely be myself around, people who never give me a reason to do anything

but smile, people who make me feel complete in some way, people who I truly hope

remain in my life for a long, long time to come.

These people are ones who I never saw coming, yet they just appeared, like

some greater force knew that they were exactly what I needed, the right kind of

people to surround myself with, and these people have given me hope in the world,

that some truly amazing people really do exist, and hoping to meet people like that 

isn't a foolish dream to have. It is real. They exist. You just have to find them.

Or wait for them to find you.

Another reason why I like this quote though, is because it isn't all the usual

'when you find someone like that you should never let them go', because I know

that in an ideal world, once you find these sorts of people you should never let

them out of your sight. But in the real world, it's not always that easy.

One person I've met this year, I know for almost certain that despite the

huge impact they've made on my life, we will go our separate ways in a few

months time. This person, one of those special people of whom you only 

meet but a few in your lifetime, will slip through my fingers, and even though 

finding someone like them has been a dream come true, we aren't close enough 

or confident enough to keep our relationship going. 

It's just something that existed in this moment in time, and it was special, and

beautiful while it lasted, and even though I wish I could take them with me through the

rest of my life, I just don't think it's meant to be. So I guess all you can do is just

appreciate what you had, what little you have left to come, and just be grateful. 

And as for those who you meet and you know will be sticking around, 

try to hold on to them for as long as you possibly can.

<3

THE ONLY SINGLE FRIEND

As of now, I am the only

single friend out of my immediate friendship group.

Wahey. It happened. The day finally came.

So if you're a single guy, and you see me and my friends walking down the street together, I'm afraid your only option

is me, the girl who probably just walked into a lamp post

or trod in a nice big pile of dog crap.

LUCKY YOU.

For some reason this occasion feels quite momentous

yet I don't think it's properly sunk in yet what this

actually means. 

I knew it was going to happen; it was, as Tinie Tempah

would say, 'written in the stars', inevitable, and I don't mind

because out of all my friends, I'm probably

the one who is least fussed about being single and

definitely the most boy impaired.

It's only been this last year or so that I've got

comfortable just talking to boys and that I've actually begun

doing something along the lines of flirting.

I know this to be true because a guy I sit next to 

in class wanted to ask me something, but I was 

talking with this other guy who I get on really well

with, and he was like "will you two stop flirting"

and I went bright red. So there.

I can flirt and look like a human tomato

AT THE SAME TIME. 

Beat that.

Now as you may recall me previously saying, I have been

single all my life so I am completely clueless as to what it's

like to be in a relationship or be kissed or whatever.

One friend is so used to me being single that

when she listed all her single friends that she wanted to hook up

with her new boyfriend's fit friends, she completely forgot

about me.

Ay caramba.

I can't say I mind though, because to me,

going out on a date with someone I haven't met before

scares the heeby jeebies out of me, and 

knowing me, I'd probably do my Marge Simpson impression

or something weird (cool) like that in an attempt to 

seem impressive and attractive and alluring.

So where does all this leave me?

Well it leaves me single, yes, but

that doesn't mean I'm not happy, or that I feel like

I need to find some poor guy quick and force him to be

my one and only so that I'm not the odd one out.

If you embrace being single, you can have a

of a time.

Because the way I see it is this: I'm happy,

I am free, I live for me,  I love my life, I do whatever 

I want, when I want, I love myself for who I am,

 I'm confident in myself, I'm independent, strong,

I can stand up for myself, I've got my friends and family

and lastly, I can flirt( and imitate tomatoes)with 

whoever I want.

SO

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

I RUDDY LOVE IT.

IT'S A VERY MERRY CHRIMBO

Hello my little festive friends

and Merry Christmas to you all!

I hope that these last few years have been 

supercalifragilisticexpialidotious for you (did I spell

that right? There isn't any spell check y'see)

and that you had a wonderful time

with your friends and family and got everything you

ever wanted :)

I also hope that like me you have been 

eating a box of Lindt chocolates a day average plus a decent helping of turkey and leftover xmas pud and what not

just because you can.

In the UK we're pro's at doing that, because

to almost everyone over here, Christmas is a license 

to eat and drink all those naughty little 

goods and treats and no-one

is allowed to bat an eyelid. If you do,

everyone turns on you and shoves chocolate

in your mouth to shut you up.

Here's an example:

*Man reaches over for a bottle of wine which

he proceeds to glug at an alarming rate*
Girl: what are you doing drinking all that?

Man: It's Christmas!

*Girl laughs* oh well that's alright then!

-OR-

*Girl frowns* you shouldn't be drinking all that!
*Man shoves chocolate in her mouth*

THE END.

So yeah, fun times!

In the UK we're also all completely hooked on

 the Harry Potter films, which ITV have

been showing in the run up to Christmas with

Deathly Hallows Part One being shown yesterday

much to my delight.

We all got our wands out and everything.

;)

Now moving on to my own Christmas,

which began with a trip to see Disney's Frozen in Nottingham

and another helping of some gorgeous Spanish churro's 

NOM NOM NOM.

This year I was super lucky and got my wish of getting

my own laptop, which I am truly and deeply in love

with. She hasn't got a name yet, but

she's red and she's gorgeous and amazing and

definitely desirable no 1 (that's Harry Potter rubbing of

on me right there).

I got to spend Chrimbo with my family here

in Derby (waheeyy) and luckily we haven't been affected by

the storms, just some pretty aggressive wind

that makes me certain the house is going to blow away

in time for the New Year.

Lovely Jubbly.

In my house we had the record players on and

we were singing and dancing to the vinyl records I mentioned in my last post and eating chocolates with Christmas

TV on in the background.

My contribution to Christmas this year was making

starters (a seafood extravaganza) and the amazing Christmas

crowns like the ones I made last year.

We had:

-Maria -all I want for Christmas- Carey

-Ady Baby

-Rosanna in the Highest

-Saint Tashalus (englightening the world with

great facial hair)

It's safe to say they were a runaway success.

Now I hope that you too had an amazing Christmas

and that you have an absolutely amazing New Year.

I'll see you down the gym

-I'll be the one walking on the running machine

trying hard not to sweat.

A MUCH NEEDED UGLY CHRISTMAS JUMPER PARTY

Hello everybody and festive greetings!

I'm writing to you today from a rather beautiful England,

minus the snow, as you'd expect.

I've been so busy this last week it's actually kind

of crazy, seeing as I'm not a person with whom you would associate

the word 'busy'.

When I find myself saying those sacred words 'I'm busy',

I must admit I widen my eyes in surprise that I, me, could

actually occupy that state of being

(man you can tell I take Eng Lit just by reading that last paragraph haha ^_^).

So, I hear you ask, what have I been doing then? Well since

last Wednesday I have.....

-Watched a college production of the Queen-tastic

WE WILL ROCK YOU WOOOOOH ROCK RULES!

-Had three university interviews, so I've been up to Newcastle,

Manchester and Sheffield, rockin' about in my black heels

feeling oh so very sophisticated despite also feeling

like I might collapse on the floor be-riddled with nerves.

-Made a friend on the train to Newcastle and we happen to know the

same people, and we shared some jelly snakes at her insistence.

She wouldn't take any of the grapes I offered in return though,

sad face :(

-Been working as a waitress (yes I can't believe it either) at some fabulous Chrimbo parties, dishing out food galore, nibbling on fudge, pannacotta, strawberries et al all whilst bashing out the groovy dance

moves as I go. So far I haven't dropped any plates 

(good girl right here) and I've handed out canapes too

BECAUSE I'M SO MATURE THESE DAYS.

AAHHHHHHHH.

-I literally just finished reading the amazing Harry Potter & The Order

of The Phoenix this morning, all 700 pages of it, having been glued to it

for a good part of a week and a half. 

I've taken it everywhere with me because it's just so addictive,

and it's a good job I've finished college now, because

this dilemma kept popping up:

what do I want to know more; do woodlice have a preference

for the light or dark, or how are Harry & co. getting on at

Hogwarts right at this very moment in time?

I think we all know the answer.

Woodlice.

But I can't find my copy of the Half Blood Prince anywhere so now

I'm stressing majorly *fans face and pouts dramatically*

-I had to do TWO TESTS IN THE SAME DAY and to top it all off

I'm sure I did crap so I was also majorly stressing out then as well,

and then on the bus home I couldn't stop laughing and

all this weirdness started pouring out of me and it culminated

with an intense discussion about the solar system and lemon slices.

This is what college does to you.

So I think you can agree that the perfect remedy

to all this madness was of course, 

AN UGLY CHRISTMAS JUMPER PARTY

and the photo you can see at the top of the page is my friends and

I having a proper naff moment posing in front of the christmas

tree in our awesome christmas jumpers.

(I'm second from the left and my jumper had a particularly groovy

christmas pud emblazoned on it, complete with 3D cherries)

And trust me, we had a ruddy awesome time.

We ordered chinese, we ate cocktail sausages and spring rolls,

some of my friends downed two bottles of rose (naughty naughty!) whilst some of us stuck to

juice & coke. We ate chocolate fudge cake, we watched

Love Actually (so cute!), laughed a  hell of a lot,

had a nice big girly chat and just let our hair down

and went ape shit crazy 

( but not too crazy- it was after all

a Wednesday)

And now I'm feeling all ready for Christmas, well kind of.

I'm going to whack on a film tomorrow night and snuggle up nice

and cosy, and what's double plus good, is

that the Harry Potter films are on ITV this week,

so all is good in the world now.

All is fabulous.

All is well.

All is good.

<3

IT WILL BE OKAY

Today I write to you from a clearer, and much brighter

point of view than I have done all week.

I've ridden a roller coaster of emotions and

made it out at the other end.

In all fairness, it is my time of the month,

(my chin is resembling the Himalayas again- it's just that

spotty) and that might have had something

to do with it.

I deleted all the other posts anyway, because

I think they were meant to be written and posted and then deleted.

If you missed all the hullabaloo, basically, as you can

probably guess, it involved a boy, and 

it all went a bit heads up, or maybe it didn't, I don't know,

my hormones have been crazy.

So although it felt like I knew, maybe I didn't,

maybe I jumped to conclusions too soon

and didn't give him a fair chance.

But either way, I know why I reacted so bad,

and it wasn't his fault. He didn't do anything wrong, and neither

did I. The only thing I slipped up on, was

falling prey to my old habits and for being too harsh on myself.

Confession time- I've never had a boyfriend before, or

been kissed, or anything else, only been hugged, and

when you're six months away from 18, you start to think something

is going really wrong here.

I know why I've never had a boyfriend or done those things,

and I think my reasons are completely understandable, but I'm

afraid others won't see it that way.

One of the main problems is I fall for the wrong people

time and time over, and I make the same mistakes time and time over.

I think it all stems back from the first guy I ever fell for,

but I don't want to be making those same mistakes

six years later. 

I want and need change.

I always lose out, always, so when I thought I'd gotten everything

all wrong with this new guy, who is very different

to all the other guys and a step in the right direction for me,

it all just got on top of me.

I hold my hands up, I cried about it, because I thought

right back to the very first guy, and worked my way forward to the present day, and all I could see was this pattern continuously

repeating itself.

All I wanted to do was close my heart, be cold and unreachable so that

I don't get hurt again, but at the same time,

I really don't want to end up alone, I don't want to be cold

and end up hating love.

So what do I do?

Well yes, I need change, and what I decided, once I'd got back 

on my feet again, was this:

It's early days with this guy, and yes maybe we aren't

meant to be that way at all, or maybe

we are but not right now.

I don't know, he doesn't know, nobody knows.

And yes I can run away like I always do when there's any doubt

or uncertainty of anything happening at all.

But the fact is, I like this guy.

I like his company, so why should I let that go, when I don't need to?

I don't need to be unhappy or put myself down.

He may not be in my life as anything more serious,

but he is in my life as a friend. And we can just be friends,

two people who get on really well, and 

that sounds good to me.

And for the mean time I'm just going to focus on me,

getting the grades to get to university, finding a job, making

sure I'm just happy in myself.

And this will continue to grow on the side - I have to sit next

to him all year anyway- and maybe we will finish the year

as good friends, maybe just friends,

or maybe something will change and we will become more.

I don't know, but I can't keep over thinking and worrying

and putting myself down and doing this to myself.

I need to be a bit nicer to myself,

and whatever may happen, that is okay,

everything will be 

OKAY 

(:

AN HOUR WITH YOU...

I just drew this little

cutie on my graphics tablet,

and I wanted to share it with you, my lovely

readers, wherever you may be.

It's inspired by a certain someone, yes,

however their identity shall

remain a secret for now.

But if you've read some of my earlier posts,

you might be able to guess who...

And for me, the person I like to

spend my hours with is someone who makes

me laugh, who I can talk

to about anything and everything,

who I am 100% myself with,

and who makes my life 

just a little bit brighter than it 

ever was before.

I never know just what we will talk about,

or what will happen when

we are brought together, 

we can talk about anything from

our dreams, our likes, our favourites.

And we never seem to stop.

And I know that when I walk away I

am smiling, and I am happy, and when I am with

this person, I feel exactly the same.

I crave their company,

I look forward to seeing this person,

I look forward to hearing just what tales they have to

say, I like being near them,

close to them.

I wouldn't say I'm in love with this person,

but I feel myself falling just

a little bit each time I am with them, and one day

 in the future I will look at this person

and realise I have fallen in love with everything

they are and everything they are not

without even realising it.

But then again, if fate has other plans,

and we just simply remain friends, I will also be happy 

because having this person somewhere in my life

 is all that matters.

You can't buy that connection,

it's either there or it's not, and whether it be friendship

 or love, you must never let it go.

<3