LIFE CHANGES// NOTE TO SELF//

Sometimes I like to read through my old journals

and notepads and diaries and remember all the things that

have happened to me. My life back then always seems so

different to life I have now and I find it strange

yet so interesting looking back on things in retrospective

when all is said and done and time has moved on.

I come across people who I had forgotten had such

an important influence over my life, people who I used

to care about so much but scarcely think of anymore, the same 

people I have in my life now or with whom my relationship

has changed either for the worse of for the better.

I come across hopes, aspirations, beliefs, fears,

problems, worries, struggles, changes, some of which I still

have, some that have changed completely and some which

no longer phase me like they used to or that I can laugh at now.

It's strange because you feel like the same person

you were back then and yet you don't.

When I read my old ramblings now I feel like a protective

and wise big sister, because although I read things

and I'm thinking 'no, don't do that, they'll only

hurt you' or 'oh no WHY WHY WHY WHY?!' at the same

time I'm thinking don't worry, you don't need to,

things will get better, trust me.

------------------------------------------------

That boy who drove you crazy won't bother you anymore,

that boy you never thought you'd get over well it turns

out you do. You and your friends will work out whatever

problems you had and you'll meet some amazing new friends

not far from now who you get on with so well.

You'll figure out what to do with your life and you'll 

work out what you want to do and how to do it.

You'll get those grades, you'll mend your heart,

you'll end up stronger, wiser, one day you'll talk to

boys without your face looking like a giant pimple.

Things might fall apart but better things will fall together.

There's still some obstacles to come but you'll get

through them and there's some amazing things that will 

happen that you are yet to experience.

It's true when they say everything happens for a reason,

you'll see that as you get older.

You aren't alone, you're not fat, ugly, unlovable,

you aren't worthless, you will pick yourself up,

dust yourself off and you will be okay.

The world won't end, the sun will shine again,

change will come and you will like it. You'll face 

your fears, find happiness in things you never expected to 

and do things you never expected to, and you won't worry 

about the trivial things so much. 

Life can be hard yet you'll realise it's 

value , you'll figure out what really matters and what doesn't

and you'll appreciate life in all it's perfections

and imperfections.

------------------------------------------------------

BE CONFIDENT

This is me,

and I'm trying to have more

self confidence (:

THE ONLY SINGLE FRIEND

As of now, I am the only

single friend out of my immediate friendship group.

Wahey. It happened. The day finally came.

So if you're a single guy, and you see me and my friends walking down the street together, I'm afraid your only option

is me, the girl who probably just walked into a lamp post

or trod in a nice big pile of dog crap.

LUCKY YOU.

For some reason this occasion feels quite momentous

yet I don't think it's properly sunk in yet what this

actually means. 

I knew it was going to happen; it was, as Tinie Tempah

would say, 'written in the stars', inevitable, and I don't mind

because out of all my friends, I'm probably

the one who is least fussed about being single and

definitely the most boy impaired.

It's only been this last year or so that I've got

comfortable just talking to boys and that I've actually begun

doing something along the lines of flirting.

I know this to be true because a guy I sit next to 

in class wanted to ask me something, but I was 

talking with this other guy who I get on really well

with, and he was like "will you two stop flirting"

and I went bright red. So there.

I can flirt and look like a human tomato

AT THE SAME TIME. 

Beat that.

Now as you may recall me previously saying, I have been

single all my life so I am completely clueless as to what it's

like to be in a relationship or be kissed or whatever.

One friend is so used to me being single that

when she listed all her single friends that she wanted to hook up

with her new boyfriend's fit friends, she completely forgot

about me.

Ay caramba.

I can't say I mind though, because to me,

going out on a date with someone I haven't met before

scares the heeby jeebies out of me, and 

knowing me, I'd probably do my Marge Simpson impression

or something weird (cool) like that in an attempt to 

seem impressive and attractive and alluring.

So where does all this leave me?

Well it leaves me single, yes, but

that doesn't mean I'm not happy, or that I feel like

I need to find some poor guy quick and force him to be

my one and only so that I'm not the odd one out.

If you embrace being single, you can have a

of a time.

Because the way I see it is this: I'm happy,

I am free, I live for me,  I love my life, I do whatever 

I want, when I want, I love myself for who I am,

 I'm confident in myself, I'm independent, strong,

I can stand up for myself, I've got my friends and family

and lastly, I can flirt( and imitate tomatoes)with 

whoever I want.

SO

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

I RUDDY LOVE IT.

2013: MY YEAR

2013.

What. A. Year. It. Has. Been

For me personally, 2013 had a lot to live up to having

had an absolutely incredible 2012, which was confidently swaggering around at the top of my 

'Best Year of My Life Ever So Far' list.

Could 2013 match 2012? 

Well seeing as I was so reluctant to welcome

it -my arms were sandwiched to my side, definitely not doing a Frauline Maria 'The Hills Are Alive With The Sound Of Music' with my arms so wide open I'm sure they're going to snap off my body-

2013 is actually very very close to knocking 2012

off that sacred top spot...

It hasn't been as obviously amazing as last year, no no no, it's been amazing in a different way. 

Here's what I've done:

1) Went on a Spanish exchange and was allowed to

pretend I was Spanish for a week, and it was honestly

one of the best things I have ever done, even if

I did tread in dog poo and get locked in a toilet

and walked into a lampost. Twice.

2) Passed my AS levels and still haven't had the

cataclysmic brain meltdown that is due any day

now that I'm half way through my A Levels.

3) Saw the amazing Arctic Monkeys (my boy Alex luv u bby),

Tom Odell, the Ruen Brothers and The 1975 and met Matty!

4) Decided what I want to do with my life (finally)

5) Started this blog after being inspired by a certain

Jimmy Choo advert featuring diamond glasses and 

Nicole Kidman... ;)

6)Finally started selling my designs and artwork by setting

up my own art and design business 'Bluboca', and you don't

understand how proud I am of my little business, it's

like proper maternal love man. 

7) Started volunteering at the Stroke Association

(one of the best decisions I've ever made) and 

with autistic children (equally amazing), both of 

which I love.

8) Made my nana laugh so hard she almost wet herself,

which believe it or not was one of the best feelings 

in the world because she had been really ill and in a lot of pain, so for even five minutes at that she

 was able to forget all the pain completely.

9) Had my AS Spanish exam and a job interview on my 17th

birthday... SUPER DUPER EXTREME FUN.

10) Got my first ever proper job the day after my birthday,

as a dishwasher (woohoo dishwasher life) and four

months later handed in my first notice.

11) Learnt how to be a waitress and amazingly I am yet

to drop a plate or drink, which is a complete and utter miracle

as I am the clumsiest person known to man.

My day is not complete until I have walked into a door.

Or a table leg. Or a cupboard.

12) Used my debit card for the first time and opened

my own bank account (very mature) and put

my own hard earned money in it.

13) Went to Menorca for the first time and sweated

my cares away. 

14) Went to college in my PJ's (bad decision).

15) Met a guy who I would never normally go for/ picture myself being with, who just so happens to literally be my perfect 

match and it almost seems like fate (ooooh, spooky). 

And even if it doesn't end romantically

that's alright because he can be my guy best friend.

He's like my twin, even though his idea of 'the best scrambled eggs in the world' is wrong and he knows this.

16) Tried lots of different types of alcohol and the only

one I really like is Smirnoff Ice, which doesn't sound

as classy as champagne or rose so I'm just going to pretend

that I really like them instead "champagne darlink".

17)Finally got a pair of Dr Martens and I'm still in love

seven months later.

18) Went on a train all by myself.

Got a metaphorical gold star and everything.

19) Been to lots of places on the university trail...

Sheffield, Manchester, Leeds, Reading, Newcastle and been to 

university interviews cause like I said

I'M PROPER MATURE ME.

20) Stopped being insecure and actually got some

of that magic stuff called self confidence and self esteem

and dealt with all those demons and fears and embraced

being a single, independent lady a la Beyonceeeyyyyy.

21) Discovered The Breakfast Club, Submarine, Bruce

Springsteen, Rod Stewart, and lots of other amazing

 films and artists and music and vinyl and porridge

 and Walkers Hoops & Crosses

and the wonders of make-up and The Big Bang Theory

AND SO MUCH MORE!!!

22) Been to London (twice) and Liverpool and York,

where I happened to have the most tastiest piece of

carrot cake in the whole entire world...

And with that, I shall conclude this post.

Loads more other stuff happened, so much that I can't remember, but 2013, man I love ya and you know

what? I think I'm really gonna miss ya... 

<3

BABY I LOVE YOU

YOU CAN DO IT

So I'll be the first to admit that I suffer

from a little something called self doubt which really takes

hold when my supply of self esteem and

self confidence is running low. 

I hold my hands up in the air sometimes and admit that yes, sometimes

I really don't think I can do things, or that I'm good enough,

or that I'm worth anything.

And I also completely agree that those types of thoughts

are bad thoughts and nobody should ever knowingly inflict those types of thoughts upon themselves or someone else.

No-one, I repeat, no-one, needs that kind

of negativity in their life.

It rarely serves a purpose and if I were pushed to find just

one reason why it's useful, it's this:

it makes you stronger.

(mentally)

So yeah, you still might not be able to get Dwayne The Rock

Johnson into a headlock and sure maybe you still can't flex your

muscles like those buff god like hunks down the gym,

BUT, your mind and your mentality is a whole lot stronger

and I don't know about you, but I'd

rather be stronger and wiser than buff.

 I know right now you're probably like, okay that's very nice,

but why are you telling me this dude?

And yes, I agree, that's a good question.

Well I just wanted to write about this whole self

confidence/ self esteem/ self doubt thing because 

it's actually rather important.

And I want to raise awareness and say, y'know what,

it's alright that you feel those feelings, you're not alone,
we all get like that sometimes and it's okay

to admit that you sometimes feel that way.

What matters though, is that you can pick yourself back up.

Next time you feel a bit poopy, think to yourself, why exactly

am I feeling this way, because 10 times out of 10

there is a valid cause or reason that most probably

needs addressing.

And once you can recognize it, you can deal with it,

rise above it, learn from it, and hey, maybe it won't be alright now,

at this very precise second, but I can tell you one thing,

IT WILL BE.

So don't you worry, and when your self confidence/ self

esteem/ self belief levels are dropping,

stop, collaborate and listen to this:

YOU ARE WORTH IT, YOU CAN DO IT, YOU ARE AWESOME,

YOU ARE PERFECT JUST THE WAY YOU ARE, YOU ARE WORTH

SOMETHING, YOU ARE A LOVELY HUMAN BEING,

YOU WILL OVERCOME THIS, YOU WILL BE SOMEONE, 

YOU NEED TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

So f you're having those thoughts

--------------------------->>>>>

chuck 'em out the window right now okay

and go watch your fave movie and get a slab of choccy

and smile.

20 THINGS ABOUT ME

Hello....

I write to you on a big downer because last

night I saw the INCREDIBLE AMAZING AWESOME PERFECT SEXY

FANTABIDOSY ARCTIC MONKEYS and life

has taken an epic nose dive after catapulting high

up into the heavens. 

I'll tell you more about my sexy future hubby Alex Turner

and his Strictly winning dance moves and hip gyrations,

soon, but right now I just thought seeing

as I've just slaved through some Spanish homework

(one sheet of translations really knocks it out of you) I thought

hmmmmm I know what I'll do, I'll do a blog post.

And seeing as you don't know loads about me,

I thought I'd do a 'hi this is me' post and put 20 facts/

things about meeeeeeeeee for

your entertainment and enjoyment.

^_^

so here goes....

1) I eat food like a vacuum hoovers dust. 

I literally just suck up any food that's in my pathway and because

I have a relatively speedy metabolism, you can't tell... yet.

So you'll recognise me when I'm 50 because I'll be rolling down the street like a giant obese bowling ball singing

'they see me rolling, they hating...'

2) Alex Turner is my no 1 man crush.

I love everything about him, his hair, his ears, his eyes,

his mouth, his voice, his laugh, his accent, his style, his musical

talents, his dance moves, his hip gyrating.

Love it love it love it (without sounding like a freaky stalker)

3) I go to college and I'm in year 13

and I'm studying four A Levels: art, biology, spanish and english lit.

And no, I haven't had that cataclysmic brain meltdown yet

that I mentioned in an earlier post.

I'm functioning just fine.

4) I'm a 1/4 Spanish.

My nana is from Galicia aka. the Manchester of Spain

(it's on the north west... kind of...) and she makes

me really nice food and she's numero uno. 

I don't think I look Spanish but if I've inherited anything

Spanishy, it's the fiery tongue and argumentative

nature... and a fiery love

for empenadas and churros.

5) My little sister is my best friend.

She's two years younger but I always forget, plus she's

the same height as me, and I think we might be

twins, if that's possible.

I love her & she is more like me than I am,

we've got some telepathic connection I swear & I couldn't
live without her.

6) I want to be Beyonce.

She is perfect.

And that is all I have to say.

7) I live in Derby, aka. right in

the middle of UK.

If the UK was a Cherry Bakewell,

Derby is the cherry again,

aka. right in the middle

(and awesome).

8) I have an art business called

Bluboca and you can look at it on 

this link and follow us on twitter

@bluboca and we'll follow you back ^_^

redbubble.com/people/bluboca

If you want me to draw you anything

I can do that by the way.

ps. we sold a t-shirt last week and I made £2

and I'm still not over it.

9) I have no religion but I believe in a God. 

I'm technically Catholic but since I've been old

enough to make my own decisions I decided I didn't want

to be and I respect Catholics and all other religions,

but personally it ain't fo' me.

10) When I put my ipod on when I'm walking

or on the bus I pretend I'm in a music video

and I'm secretly being filmed and I literally

act like I'm genuinely in a music video, like mouthing 

the words, sly glances at the camera...

Okay I feel a bit embarrassed now...

I'll move on.

11) I eat one banana every day.

I drink 4 cups of tea a day.

I eat one bowl of porridge a day.

I'm a very interesting person.

Not.

12) I once pressed the stop button on the escalators

in M & S when I was little and they all stopped

and everyone was on them like 'wtf'.

And I was there like, ahhhh, so that's what that nice red button does.

-Y'know I don't know why I still think this is an interesting story

that will give people a new found respect for me

like 'woah did you hear that, she pressed the stop button

on the escalator... RAAAAAAD'

because lemme tell you something,

IT DOESN'T.

13) I've never had a boyfriend, never been kissed,

never swiped the v card, never held hands, etc.

(hello 30 year old virgin!).

It's because I'm fussy when it comes to boys, 

or so I'm told by my friends, and if fussy is not wanting 

to do any of those things unless 

it's with someone you really really like/ love and trust

and not just so  you can say you've done those things,

then yes, I'M BLOODY FUSSY ALRIGHT!!!

14) This Valentines day I got trapped in a toilet

in Spain and I trod in dog poo. 

Need I say more?

15) I was a tramp in another life.

I don't know this for certain, but if you look at the

state of my room, I think you will agree.

16) I want to be a Speech & Language Therapist

and help people with communication and speech problems because

I can't think of anything more amazing and fulfilling

than helping other people every single day.

That would just be incredible.

17) I volunteer at the Stroke Association and I love

it and I'm best mates with an 84 yr old man called John.

We compliment each others choice of footwear each week

and last week his trousers fell down because he

forget his belt, bless him.

I love John.

HE'S AWESOME!

18) I have this secret desire to be from Yorkshire,

as in, I get jealous of anyone who lives anywhere between

Chesterfield and Leeds or basically anywhere

above Derby. I have Yorkshire envy.

Heck, 4 out of the 5 UNI's I've applied to are in Yorkshire...

I love a man with a good old Yorkshire accent, so

hopefully my chances of finding one will be good.

19) I love reading and I read everything and anything,

ie. ads on the back of toilet doors,

and whatever I'm doing, I'm bored unless I'm reading

something...

20) I was born 10 days after my due date.

That's not even interesting but it leads me onto the topic of time.

I like to be just on time, ie. not late, not early,

just right. It makes me feel good.

Just like tea, and cake, and Alex Turner, and starry

nights and blue skies and sleeping and

having no homework.

So yeah, that's just a few interesting things about me....

And as I pop off to do some Biology homework (YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY),

I'll leave you with one more.

Yesterday I went to the shop to buy a Milky Way bar and

I gave the lady the money and as the receipt came through

I lent over and tore off the receipt,

like that's what you do.

Ha ha. 

You don't.

The lady just looked at me like 'what the...' and

I looked at my hand and as like, 'what the hell did I just

do that for?!?!?!?!?!?!'

You don't do that EVER EVER EVER.

I apologised and ran away.

THE END.