Sometimes I like to read through my old journals
and notepads and diaries and remember all the things that
have happened to me. My life back then always seems so
different to life I have now and I find it strange
yet so interesting looking back on things in retrospective
when all is said and done and time has moved on.
I come across people who I had forgotten had such
an important influence over my life, people who I used
to care about so much but scarcely think of anymore, the same
people I have in my life now or with whom my relationship
has changed either for the worse of for the better.
I come across hopes, aspirations, beliefs, fears,
problems, worries, struggles, changes, some of which I still
have, some that have changed completely and some which
no longer phase me like they used to or that I can laugh at now.
It's strange because you feel like the same person
you were back then and yet you don't.
When I read my old ramblings now I feel like a protective
and wise big sister, because although I read things
and I'm thinking 'no, don't do that, they'll only
hurt you' or 'oh no WHY WHY WHY WHY?!' at the same
time I'm thinking don't worry, you don't need to,
things will get better, trust me.
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That boy who drove you crazy won't bother you anymore,
that boy you never thought you'd get over well it turns
out you do. You and your friends will work out whatever
problems you had and you'll meet some amazing new friends
not far from now who you get on with so well.
You'll figure out what to do with your life and you'll
work out what you want to do and how to do it.
You'll get those grades, you'll mend your heart,
you'll end up stronger, wiser, one day you'll talk to
boys without your face looking like a giant pimple.
Things might fall apart but better things will fall together.
There's still some obstacles to come but you'll get
through them and there's some amazing things that will
happen that you are yet to experience.
It's true when they say everything happens for a reason,
you'll see that as you get older.
You aren't alone, you're not fat, ugly, unlovable,
you aren't worthless, you will pick yourself up,
dust yourself off and you will be okay.
The world won't end, the sun will shine again,
change will come and you will like it. You'll face
your fears, find happiness in things you never expected to
and do things you never expected to, and you won't worry
about the trivial things so much.
Life can be hard yet you'll realise it's
value , you'll figure out what really matters and what doesn't
and you'll appreciate life in all it's perfections
and imperfections.
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