When I think of the personification of a strong, independent, feisty
woman, I almost always think of the fabulous
Beyonce Knowles.
To me, this woman is the definition of female
empowerment, and as of today, as the title says, I'm sort of kind
of doing a Beyonce myself and following in her footsteps
and adopting her mantra when it comes to love.
Because you see, dear reader, lately something
inside me has changed.
I didn't notice this had changed until the last few weeks
it sort of hit me wham bam and I was just like
'what de.... when deed dees happen?'
And I'll tell you about it now.
For as long as I can remember being a fluorescent adolescent,
I have always had crushes and always always
always wanted a boyfriend and a super cute relationship and
yaddah yaddah yah.
Even earlier this year I was yearning for it,
and I always seemed to feel insecure because I didn't have
a boyfriend. I felt incomplete, like something was missing.
I felt frustrated that I didn't have what my
friends had, and that I could never seem to find love or a
boyfriend.
It was like I deemed myself inadequate until
I found my match.
The thought of being the only girl in my friendship group
without a boyfriend scared the crap out of me.
The thought of never finding a boyfriend till university
made me want to cry up to the heavens to get
God himself to come down here and reason with me
as to why I couldn't have one sooner.
But then..... at some point this month,
something changed.
This longing, this insecurity, this need, this desire,
this sadness, this frustration, this wanting, this caring, it all
just disappeared, went right out the window.
And I suddenly realised that the fact of the matter was,
I DIDN'T CARE.
About boys, love, any of it.
And for me that's a pretty big thing.
And what I mean by not caring is this:
1) I don't care that I don't have a boyfriend.
2) I don't care that it's not working out with anyone I do meet.
3) I don't care that my friends have boyfriends and dates
and I don't; I don't feel any less than them or
like I'm missing out.
-How can I miss something I've never had or experienced?
4) In a typical British sentiment I quite simply cannot be
arsed to stress over this anymore.
Q) Who cares?
A) Not me! (finally)
A) Not me! (finally)
I'm not yearning for love and romance and relationships and boys.
I literally do not care.
Today I decided it was the right time to hold my hands
up and surrender, admit it's not working, it's not my time or my
moment, and take a step back out of the game.
I read somewhere that sometimes you need to give in and accept
defeat in order for better things to come together.
And that's what I'm doing.
I'm not walking away with or out of shame or defeat or weakness,
I'm walking away because I realised actually I'm happy on my own.
And this is where the whole Beyonce bit comes in.
I realised that I have never felt as strong, independent or
mentally and emotionally well as I do right now.
To use another British sentiment, I feel BLOODY FANTASTIC, and
if there was anytime that I felt I was ready
to stand proud on my own two feet, it's now.
I can handle being single.
I don't feel like I need anyone to complete me or support me,
and I'm actually kind of glad I haven't met the right person yet and
that it hasn't worked at all for me yet.
Having said that, I know I'm on this love sabbatical and all that,
but if the right person happened to pop up and say hi,
or if my dream way to fall in love happens, where I see
a stranger across a room and I just know right there and then
that he is the one, then that again is BLOODY FANTASTIC.
But until that moment comes,
I bid you farewell tonight as a girl on the brink
of womanhood who is feeling single and proud and pretty alright
and just a little bit sassy, if I must admit it.
And if I can make it to this stage,
then I'm pretty sure you can too.
Don't be afraid to walk alone and don't be afraid to like it <3
