SORT OF KIND OF DOING A BEYONCE WHEN IT COMES TO LOVE

When I think of the personification of a strong, independent, feisty 

woman, I almost always think of the fabulous 

Beyonce Knowles.

To me, this woman is the definition of female

empowerment, and as of today, as the title says, I'm sort of kind

of doing a Beyonce myself and following in her footsteps 

and adopting her mantra when it comes to love.

Because you see, dear reader, lately something

inside me has changed.

I didn't notice this had changed until the last few weeks

it sort of hit me wham bam and I was just like

'what de.... when deed dees happen?'

And I'll tell you about it now.

For as long as I can remember being a fluorescent adolescent,

I have always had crushes and always always

always wanted a boyfriend and a super cute relationship and

yaddah yaddah yah.

Even earlier this year I was yearning for it,

and I always seemed to feel insecure because I didn't have

a boyfriend. I felt incomplete, like something was missing.

I felt frustrated that I didn't have what my

friends had, and that I could never seem to find love or a

boyfriend. 

It was like I deemed myself inadequate until

I found my match.

The thought of being the only girl in my friendship group

without a boyfriend scared the crap out of me.

The thought of never finding a boyfriend till university

made me want to cry up to the heavens to get

God himself to come down here and reason with me

as to why I couldn't have one sooner.

But then..... at some point this month,

something changed.

This longing, this insecurity, this need, this desire,

this sadness, this frustration, this wanting, this caring, it all

just disappeared, went right out the window.

And I suddenly realised that the fact of the matter was,

I DIDN'T CARE.

About boys, love, any of it.

And for me that's a pretty big thing.

And what I mean by not caring is this:

1) I don't care that I don't have a boyfriend.

2) I don't care that it's not working out with anyone I do meet.

3) I don't care that my friends have boyfriends and dates

and I don't; I don't feel any less than them or

like I'm missing out.

-How can I miss something I've never had or experienced?

4) In a typical British sentiment I quite simply cannot be

arsed to stress over this anymore.

Q) Who cares?
A) Not me! (finally)

I'm not yearning for love and romance and relationships and boys.

I literally do not care.

Today I decided it was the right time to hold my hands

up and surrender, admit it's not working, it's not my time or my

moment, and take a step back out of the game.

I read somewhere that sometimes you need to give in and accept

defeat in order for better things to come together.

And that's what I'm doing. 

I'm not walking away with or out of shame or defeat or weakness,

I'm walking away because I realised actually I'm happy on my own.

And this is where the whole Beyonce bit comes in.

I realised that I have never felt as strong, independent or

mentally and emotionally well as I do right now.

To use another British sentiment, I feel BLOODY FANTASTIC, and 

if there was anytime that I felt I was ready

to stand proud on my own two feet, it's now.

I can handle being single.

I don't feel like I need anyone to complete me or support me,

and I'm actually kind of glad I haven't met the right person yet and

that it hasn't worked at all for me yet.

Having said that, I know I'm on this love sabbatical and all that,

but if the right person happened to pop up and say hi,

or if my dream way to fall in love happens, where I see

a stranger across a room and I just know right there and then

that he is the one, then that again is BLOODY FANTASTIC.

But until that moment comes,

I bid you farewell tonight as a girl on the brink

of womanhood who is feeling single and proud and pretty alright

and just a little bit sassy, if I must admit it.

And if I can make it to this stage,

then I'm pretty sure you can too.

Don't be afraid to walk alone and don't be afraid to like it <3